Aaaah… coffee. The pillar which keeps our society running, our minds sane, and our colleagues from killing each other. The smooth brown (or black, I don’t judge) liquid which flows each morning from our coffeemaker into our cup. Although it comes in many shapes, tastes and colors, it has more or less the same effect on people: it wakes us up and supports us while we have to deal with… well, adulthood.
- The experiment
We all have our firsts. However, some elements are there, around us, from the beginning, even before we decide to try them. Even from a young age, we see our parents drinking a cup (or several cups) in the morning, after or during breakfast and, eventually, one in the afternoon. When we grow up a bit, we decide to try it. It can go either good or bad: we either like it, the smooth, creamy yet strong taste, or we absolutely hate it. However, even if we hate it, we still love the effect it has on us, keeping us awake, so maybe we decide to use it only when in need.
- The normal use
We brew one in the morning, to have with our breakfast. Maybe, just maybe, if we feel the need, we will have another one (a small one) after lunch, to maintain a sharp mind. This is normal, right? What could go wrong?
- The overdose
You had to ask “what could go wrong?”, hadn’t you? This is where it goes downhill. You have reached the stage where your coffee is already made in the morning, so you can drink a cup before going to the coffee shop to get your normal triple-espresso-venti coffee, so you can function at work. Each morning, you color coordinate your outfit with your thermo-cup, and you are on a first-name basis with several baristas from multiple coffee shops. You have a little coffee break with one of your colleagues, before lunch, so you can be sharp and highly functioning when you will have your coffee meeting at noon. Congratulations, you now have caffeine running through your veins, instead of blood, and you can actually hear colors and see sounds.
- Admittance and detox
The first step in solving a problem is admitting that you have one. Come on now, I’m trying to help you here…. Ok, repeat after me: “Drinking coffee until I can see sounds is not safe, and I need help”. See? It wasn’t that hard 🙂
Now, slowly reduce the number of cups of coffee per day, until you reach a reasonable amount. And no, you cannot reduce the number of cups and increase the size of the cups. I’m onto you. Also, no, replacing coffee with black tea is not an option, either. You’re not fooling anyone.
- The bounce-back
Let’s be honest, this is inevitable, because you need that glorious shit to function. Now, see you on Saturday, I need my 4th coffee of the day to write that post 🙂
Disclaimer: This post was made as a joke, meant to light up your Wednesday (or whatever day you are reading this), in case you needed a little pick-me up 🙂